Tuesday, June 24, 2008

More on the same subject.

Imagine if you will a big outlet shopping centre (mall) and car park with several disabled spaces close to the entrance (that’s not hard to do, is it?) To get from the spaces to the shops, you have to cross the road. The shopping centre realised this might be a problem, so they helpfully put in a zebra crossing and to make it even safer, raised it so that it would slow down oncoming vehicles by making it a wide sleeping policeman.

They obviously did this after they had installed their drop curbs (which are really wicked in that they must be about 2 inches high and just perfect to tip you out of your chair) and weren’t quite sure how to handle it so they devised a solution by sloping the raised section off at each end towards the curb. If you are in a chair, it goes something like this:

  • Park the car
  • Get in chair and push down pavement to drop curb
  • Drop off drop curb with a bump and immediately encounter a drastic short uphill onto the top of the speed bump
  • Push across crossing – red faced after heaving yourself up slope
  • Get some speed up on the flat – you are hurrying because there is a car coming…
  • Suddenly encounter the down-slope at the other end of the ramp and start to go very fast
  • Encounter (not so) dropped curb – at pace
  • Throw yourself 6 feet forward out of wheelchair and hit wall of Nike shop

Mad…..

Actually I was sensible – applied a bit of braking force and discovered that I was then stuck in the down slope, up drop curb bit and needed help to be pushed out …oh the shame….

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Your mission should you choose to accept it…

…is to look for dropped curbs in all their silly sorts and sizes. You should remember though, that should you be caught or killed, I will disavow any knowledge of your actions

Now I’m sure that those of you who have pushed a pushchair, let alone those of you who have propelled a wheelchair, know that drop curbs are really important. You know what I mean, at the side of the road, the bit that slopes into the street so that you don’t have to hoick your chair/pushchair up a major step just to get from one side of the road to the other. Those little slopes are great, but the workmen who lay them are my current arch enemies….

You see, a wheelchair has big wheels at the back and little teeny ones at the front and there is a person sitting in this contraption who has no seatbelt and no brakes suitable for slowing down apart from a strong grip in their fingers. The little teeny wheels when hitting even a very small obstacle can stop very suddenly and momentum (that’s physics that is) means that the energy contained within the chair and the person has to go somewhere. It usually gets dispersed through a couple of things – 1. the person flies forward out of the chair onto the street (the flying forward bit uses up most of the energy) and 2. they make a certain amount of noise (either screaming or swearing) which uses up a bit more energy. Anyway, it ain’t fun…and your friends laugh at you to boot.

Why don’t they make drop kerbs level with the street? Why do they leave a little step (which can be anything up to several inches tall). Are they all mean and are hiding round the next corner waiting to snigger at the person who makes a mad dash across the road – being speedy to try and to avoid the traffic – who then hits the immoveable object with those little front casters and gets hurled out onto the pavement (again!).

So, all I ask is that you spread the message and just look out for them yourself – who knows, here could be a trip waiting to happen there – and not the kind you’d send a postcard from either….

…. this blog will self destruct in five seconds….

Thursday, June 05, 2008

The car (again...!)

So, there I was driving to the local ‘big city’ for a days shopping with my mother. It was raining. Actually that’s not true, it was absolutely hammering down and I could hardly clear the water off the windscreen with my one windscreen wiper. Now, don’t panic, it’s only supposed to have one, so that’s OK.

Anyway, as I turned into the street where I was going to park the car started making the most appalling noise and I thought the exhaust had fallen off. People were staring even over the noise of their own stereos and the car seemed rather underpowered. I pulled into the side and peered cautiously under the car. I still appeared to have an exhaust, and as a bonus it was attached. What to do...? Well, I was inspired, I phoned P@NGD (the garage)- “Hey!” I shouted (you had to, it was really noisy), “Listen to this”...and promptly opened the door and shoved the phone under the car...

“OMG” says P@NGD. “get it recovered, I think you snapped the crank or something”.

So, I called the recovery guy and out he came with a big truck*1, opened the bonnet and peered underneath. “Here’s your problem” he says, “You’ve only got 3 spark plugs! – I don’t know, I think you sabotaged it yourself, just to get me wet...!”

Well, he was kinda cute in his wet t-shirt y’know....

*1 I like trucks...big trucks

Oh yes, and the car is fine now thanks.....