Wednesday, July 13, 2011

What a clever postie...

We have a really nice postie - his name is Nigel (yes, just for once I am using someone's real name!) and he is about 40 (or possibly a bit older - it's hard to tell and I've never asked him!). He has red hair too - not ginger, not auburn, but red - the kind of bright pillar box red *1 that comes out of a paint box (or more likely, a box of hair dye) and ... wait for it.... he has a Mohican!

Now I am sure that you all think that I am making all this up, but believe me, my imagination just isn't that good. Nigel is real, he's lovely, helpful and friendly and as our 'regular' postie, he knows just where to leave parcels when we are out and always leaves a note to say he has done so.

It was no surprise to me then to come home the other day to find a note from Nigel pushed through the door saying that he had left me a parcel round the..... *2 . I went and collected it (as you do). I was surprised to see that it was something I had ordered, but since it hadn't been delivered in time, had already been replaced by the company I'd ordered it from. I was even more surprised to see a Post Office sticker on it stating that it had an 'incomplete address' - hence the non-delivery I guess in the first place. So, I peered closely at the little box to see what was wrong and this is what I saw:

The first 2 letters of my christian name followed by half of the 3rd letter.
The next letters were missing.
The last 2 letters of my first name were there (well, sort of).
My surname was missing completely.
The address line just read:
d (I think the 'd' is the last letter of Road)
The first part of the postcode was intact so I guess they were able to tell the town and area well enough.
The second part of the postcode read:

Ok, so here we have a fairly intact postcode that will give the rough area of a town, a 'd' indicating that it's a road (not an avenue or close) and 4 letters out of an 11 letter Christian name. Oh, yes, and it was actually my parcel too - not just something random that had turned up by accident!

So, forgive me for mentioning a real person by name for once on my blog - as I think our postie is amazing and you should all know!

*1 *Very* appropriate given his occupation
*2 Well, you didn't really think I would broadcast to the world where our parcels are left, did you?

Friday, July 01, 2011

Just how do you get tomato soup out of a speaker?

I was sat at dinner this evening with SBB (secret bad boy) and ETS (I can't tell you what that stands for or I'd have to kill you!) and we were finding out more about each other. Anyway, we were talking about 'stuff in our lives' (including ETS's alleged alter ego) and I turned to the person next to me and asked him if he'd tell me a secret from his childhood.

Curiously, he said "Sure!" (how many people would do that?), and started with the tame stuff, telling us a story of when he turned the taps on and flooded the conservatory, before he moved on to juicier stuff that he had tried not to own up to and wanted to keep secret... Incidentally, although his mother claims he did it deliberately, he was only 3 at the tap-turning-on occurrence so I am prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt for that one...after all, I'm thinking that maybe at that age, secrecy isn't something you have a strong grasp of.

Anyway, apparently, when he was a bit older, he told us that he put a golf club through the window - also in the conservatory. He didn't say if he was still confined there as punishment for the tap issue or if he lived in the conservatory, but for sure, it's featured heavily in his early life. Actually (as a bit of an aside), I don't think he's much of a stone thrower, so I'm wondering if he did spend a  lot of time in there... was around this point, he paused in his storytelling and looked rather pensive. I had two choices...push him into the really juicy story, or let him be...I was very good...and did neither, but waited for someone else to push him gently into the real dirt...and dirt it turned out to be...

He drew a deep breath and asked - "Do you know how far tomato soup goes when it explodes?"

It seems, that the kitchen was being refitted and so a makeshift kitchen was set up in the living room - the fridge was there, freezer and microwave and food - everything you need. So, SBB decided he fancied tomato soup for tea. For some reason known only to himself, he decided that the microwave was not a suitable piece of equipment for reheating soup (I think this is a man thing, as hubby wouldn't use a microwave for that either), and so, as you do, decided to use his camping stove. My first thought was that camping stoves and living rooms don't really go hand in hand, but my fears about curtains and naked flames were completely unfounded as it turned out. It seems SBB put the soup into a pyrex dish and put it on the camping stove (I hear the sound of a sharp intake of female breath at this); it started to heat up nicely and was almost at the perfect temperature when...


...the pyrex dish exploded!

The soup exploded outwards from the dish - onto the walls and the ceiling...and the curtains and the carpet...and onto the TV, the video cabinet and the stereo...and inside the stereo speakers, down the side of the sofa etc etc.

Now, I don't know what you'd be thinking at that point, but I guess it might revolve around the mess and how you were going to clean it up - but what did he say? He said "There I was, wondering how I was going to get out of that one....!" He really is a SBB, isn't he?

For EO’s MY

So, while I’m away MY*1tells me that he reads this blog – which surprised me a bit ‘cos I thought most people had given up on it a long time ago and I was just spouting drivel for:
  1. my benefit and
  2. the amusement of poor foreign people who pick up some obscure link and find themselves on another planet altogether.

Anyway, MY tells me that he not only reads the blog, but also enjoys it (strange man!) although gets a bit lost from time to time with all the acronyms so I thought I’d do an post and hope to catch you all up with my amazingly diverse friends who have such wunnerful nicknames. *2. Anyway, here goes:

  • Hubby – start with the easy one. My husband of course…
  • PTV - This guy. Hubby’s best friend of years ago and now a good friend and e-mail confidant to me too…
  • HLW - His lovely wife (PTV’s that is)
  • BMB - My best male buddy
  • BUF – The best useful friend. She called herself this so don’t blame me. She is one of my dearest and closest friends in the whole wide world.
  • VNSO - Very nice significant other (belongs to the BUF and is a good friend in his own right). He is also known as my dancing partner.
  • EO - Eeyore’s owner – obviously not Christopher Robin(!) but her Eeyore has been all over the world…
  • E2O - Same person as above, but her new name after she got another Eeyore for her birthday!
  • A & T - This referred to my best friend A and her hubby T but sadly I lost A in January 2008 to pancreatic cancer. T is still in regular contact with us.
  • SPF - Sports psychologist friend (yep she does and yep she is…)
  • BML - Bureaucratic monster lady (otherwise known as the administrator in the hospital who makes all the appointments)
  • M - female of the rodent variety ='.'=~~~~ Also a soon to be famous author*3
  • FIL - father in law
  • MIL - mother in law (spot the theme here?)
  • BIL - brother in law (I guess you can see where this is going, can’t you?)
  • SIL - sister in law
  • Ly – lovely lady over the pond who bakes cake and had the same op as me. She had a blog.
  • B Brandi, another lovely lady over the pond who had the same op as me.
  • P@NGD - The guy at the garage who fixes my car and doesn’t rip me off
  • Grace - one of my cats – not her real name, but she is graceful…
  • Bugalugs aka Clumsy – Grace’s brother
  • ND - New dad, one of our friends.
  • NDW - New dad's wife (and unsurprisingly mother of his children)
  • DG - Disaster girl - one of the most interesting drivers I know.
  • FNG - Friday night guy. Not surprisingly, a friend who comes round every Friday night.
  • MY - Master Yoda, leader of the Horde and close friend of E2O
  • PMB - my brother
  • JTG - Joe the Gym - the guy in my gym who tortures me...
  • MIB - Mad Irish Bird - one of the group....
  • DP - daft pensioner
  • CWP - Canadian with pipe
  • SBB - Secret Bad Boy
  • ETS - Sorry - can't tell you as then I'd have to kill you...

So, I hope I’ve remembered them all, if there are any more, that you haven’t figured out, (or want me to start using), then let me know.

*1>* Master Yoda
*2I shall put a link to this post too on the side bar so if you ever get confused again…..