...the goose is getting fat...

I love Christmas, always have – it’s not just the presents and the decorations, but for me it’s all about being able to show people how much you care for them, in a world where we don’t often take the time to say it. Somehow I always seem to be too busy to meet up for lunch and while away the hours just chilling out with the people I love best. I admit it too, I am a busy type of person who finds it hard to just ‘be’ – I always seem to have the next thing to be done on my mind and it’s hard to find the things that entice my nose away from its grindstone. Friday nights with the BUF make me do that ...and so does Christmas. As a family we usually don’t turn on the telly on all day, we just spend our time, playing games and spending (what I see as) special time with each other.

This year though, I know will be different from normal and I don’t know how everyone else is going to feel. To start with, mother has gone away for Christmas to friends in Canada so that will be the first time ever that we won’t see her over the Christmas period. Then of course, there’s the big spectre – my achalasia. I don’t want to sound depressing but I just have no idea how it will affect other people over the dinner table (let alone how I feel about it). I was recently asked what I would eat for Christmas dinner and I flippantly said pureed carrots and bread sauce. Flip it may have been, but its not that far from the truth and the whole idea is odd – I am not looking forward to the food aspects of Christmas but isn’t that often a strong focus of the season? I am going to MBP and the SIL’s as well and feel bad already as I know I won’t be able to eat what she has made. I feel guilty about my medical condition which is nuts...I guess you just don’t realise what a focus food is in people’s lives and how much we all take it for granted until it becomes a problem. What’s worse is I know how much it upsets hubby as he is reminded every day, every meal, that I have a problem and one that really upsets him whenever he tries to imagine what it would be like to live with it.

For me, I just think this year will be odd and different but that doesn’t mean that I won’t still enjoy spending that special time with my family.