Death by diarrhoea

So, MIB^*1 has joined our group and we were sat at the dinner table when the subject of drugs came up. Now, I know what you are thinking and you’re wrong...you see, if you put a group of disabled people around a table sooner or later the conversation will turn to drugs or surgery (LB bless her taught us all liver transplantation over the dinner table!) and in this instance it was the merits of one kind of painkiller over another.

We had mentioned aspirin and paracetamol and were then moving on to ‘harder’ drugs when MIB decided to tell us about the time she was put on oxycontin when she came home after surgery. She also mentioned the rather alarming side effect of ‘bunging you up’ that various opioids are famous for and so decided whilst in the chemist getting her controlled substance prescription filled, that she would pick up some syrup of figs. She picked up 2 bottles and put them on the counter and the 16 year old part time assistant turned to her and said:

“I don’t think that we can sell you more than one bottle of that, I’ll have to check” – and disappeared out the back. Time passed and eventually she came back - “Thought so, we definitely can’t sell you more than one bottle at a time...we can’t risk you harming yourself...”

At hearing this, in pain and after having to wait for so long, MIB retorted “Here are my 50 morphine tablets, and here’s the syrup of figs. Now, if I wanted to commit suicide, which do you think would be my weapon of choice? Do you really think I’d drink 2 bottles of syrup of figs and then sit on the toilet until my insides dribbled out?!?”

Her daughter waiting by her side slunk quietly away ...




^*1Mad Irish bird