How do you cope when you lose one of your best friends?

So, just how do you do that?

Shortly after I had my surgery, one of my very best friends became ill – initially they thought she had gallstones but in the end it turned out to be much more than that and pancreatic cancer ended her life yesterday after a long struggle to keep it at bay.

She was one of those special friends who touch your life in the way that few people do. I think sometimes that the relationships that women have with other women are among the most intense that you have- from the ‘best friends’ you make in school to the most fraught mother daughter relationship. For myself, I didn’t really have much in the way of friends though my school days – there was one person who, like me, was bullied and so we just kind of stuck together, but apart from that, it wasn’t until I got into adulthood that I discovered the joys of having best friends who are women. There are conversations you have and things that you share with other women that you wouldn’t sometimes even share with your husband. Girlie talk if you like, but you end up sharing wine, laughter and happy times and along the way all the tough times get shared too. Well, this friend was one of those …

…I remember when we met she was so tall and slim and pretty and better at stuff than me and I so wanted to hate her but I couldn’t because she was so nice. We got chatting and something just clicked between us – something that never happened to me before or since in quite the same way. We lived miles apart but single handedly kept the phone company going with long calls about…well, everything! We met up when we could, went on holiday together and did all of those things you only do with special people. She was also one of the most selfless people that I have ever known – always putting everyone else before herself and wanting to make them happy. It doesn’t matter how much I try and explain all of this, but we had a special bond and I will miss her dreadfully.

So goodbye sweetheart – you will always be in my heart.