For many years, I have followed a blog called Wheelchair Dancer (http://cripwheels.blogspot.co.uk). WCD and I have more in common than many people may think, since I am not a dancer and she doesn't do what I do either. Its interesting though that we are both involved at the elite end of what we do. She's involved in dance, I'm involved with sport and of course, we both have wheelchairs....in common with many other folk in the world. I like her posts though - she tells me stuff I don't know, reflects feelings I have and explains feelings I don't. Its interesting just following someone else's life and feeling connected to them.
It was one such recent post, that I identified with, since WCD has just had surgery and she was mentioning her memories of it - the anaesthetic and how suddenly you fall asleep, all those muffled memories of waking, sleeping and drooling, all bundled into a time frame you can't comprehend. I remember after my really big surgery asking what day it was, convinced I had somehow been in theatre for at least 2 days! She mentions the recovery room and the bumpy journey up and down corridors (which I have to add always seem cold) and then she got onto something I've put a lot of thought into recently. It's the person who doesn't have all the drug induced bumpy wooly memories, the partner, friend or parent who does all the waiting. I can't imagine what that's like, not knowing what to do - stay and wait in the hospital, go home and pace the floor? As WCD puts it "The person having the surgery cruises through on happy drugs" but its not so for those who wait - even if they have had to do it before. How many times had hubby had to go through this? 5 or more times? Is he used to it yet?
Like WCD, I know too that when I get home, hubby will take care of stuff in the house. Everything will be within reach and he won't fuss (because he knows I hate it) - he will worry endlessly, but in the end he will be there. Who gets the easier deal here? Would I trade all the pain and healing for the worry....hmm, you know I'm not sure....