The BUF asked me recently if the nerves in my leg were getting any better and I had to tell her that no, they weren’t; but that wasn’t really the whole story. You see, the longer it goes on, the way my leg is right now is more ‘normal’ to me than the way it used to be. The longer it goes on, the more used to it I am and the more used to doing things in a different way I become. So, there’s some stuff I still can’t do, but everything else I’ve just found a different way of doing – so much so, that I have established a new type of ‘normal’ – if that makes sense.
It’s just one of the things that’s changed over the last 18 months since I had the operation and I know that there are people who are looking at me now and thinking that I am actually worse off than I was before. That’s just because I am now using a couple of sticks to walk and am choosing to use a wheelchair when I have a long way to walk or a long time to stand (as it wrecks me otherwise). Having said that, it’s wrecked me for years, I was just too stubborn (or too stupid) to make use of these things before. In fact, it’s not really that I am any more (or less) disabled than I was before, it’s just more visible to people now.
It all boils down to this, would I have the operation again? - and the answer is Yes of course I would. Lots of things have changed so much for the better you see. Now, a long time ago I was told that I would be in a wheelchair by the time I was 40 and that as time went on this would become a permanent arrangement. So, yes I have a wheelchair, but right now (and I am past 40) it is my choice to use it to make my life easier and less painful. It’s great – I have the choice and therefore the best of both worlds. Had I not had the op, then that in time would have been very different.
On the subject of things being different, here’s some of the stuff that I can think of right now without giving any great deep thought on the subject. With my wheelchair, I no longer have a cushion which has been cut down on one side to level me up so that I could sit upright. I no longer have to stand with all my weight on one leg and the other one bent just to keep me upright enough not to fall over and I have nowhere near as many problems with spasm in my back (boy when they used to hit - I sometimes even didn’t want to breathe they hurt that much!) Cinema seats no longer dig into my side when I watch a film. My painkillers actually seem to work and I can really breathe well (and I had no idea how worse that had got).
All of that is just amazing – don’t you think just a bit of wonky wiring and a few little patchy nerves is a very small price to pay….
No comments:
Post a Comment