Torture in a box?

I recently bought an epilator from a well known TV shopping channel. I did this because I get a money back guarantee and I figured that if it hurt like f**k (which I thought it probably would) I could send it back. Oh yes, and on the subject of sending it back – what do they do with used personal items like that? Best not to go there I think…

Anyway, I got it out of the box and it looked at me for a week or so while I built up courage to use it – after all, these things are pulling your hair out by the roots and this one is an ‘all over body’ model so not for use on just your legs. In fact, if it was for use on just your legs, I wouldn’t have bought it, as I have no hair on my legs. Yes, that’s right – no hair on my legs – never have had – something to do with my wonky wiring I guess. Actually it is no longer strictly true that I have no hair on my legs, as since the operation (and only since the operation), I have had a patch about the size of the palm of my hand, growing on my left shin. Weird huh? Anyway, you may be wondering why I would want such a device if I have no hair on my legs – well, it’s my pits you see – long and lustrous ain’t in it^*1 – I even have to take a razor on a weeks holiday with me (and use it twice). It’s a pain and so is epilating under your arms as I discovered today (I am sat here at my keyboard with my arms stuck out at right angles as far away from my body as possible typing this with my nose ^*2). The hair under my arms grows so fast, that that, coupled with my impossibly long arms and my constant desire to dye my hair red, makes me wonder just how closely I am related to an orang utan - especially based on this recent picture of me!

So, I bet you are all wondering just how it worked out and so I thought I’d give you all a little review. I started off with the patch of hair on my leg – hey I thought, this is great, doesn’t hurt at all…completely overlooking the fact that I can’t actually feel anything on that bit of skin anyway so it wasn’t really a fair test on which to base a ‘whole body decision’. Bravely I went from there to my underarms. That was ummm…different! You know that thing where you don’t want to touch something horrid (like rotting seaweed at the beach or stinging nettles found at the back of the flower bed) and you just kind of dab at it quickly – well, that’s what I did and boy does that bring tears to your eyes. What you have to do is pull the skin taut, grit your teeth and get in there. Once you’re going it’s not too bad – uncomfortable yes, but not as bad as getting a tattoo – and it gets easier the more you do (probably ‘cos there’s less hair to pull out). So there you go – I did the other side too and my bikini line (not too bad but like it says in the instructions trim it first girls and boys) and now I can’t wait to use my new torture device on other people ()

OK, final note – just in case I have made you all so excited at the prospect of using one of these things (you may actually like pain after all) – was it worth it? Well, so far, I’d say yes – I have impossibly smooth pits (like I’ve always dreamed of) and if it is true that you only have to do it every 6-8 weeks then it’s masochism for me all the way…

^*1 This is actuslly a bit of an exaggeration and I've been told a million times not to do that...
^*2 This of course is a lie. In fact, I have no residual soreness…I was just trying to be funny.