Don’t you just love the little darlings….

There I was, after a hard day’s scrubbing floors and the like (Christmas is coming so I must get the house clean before anyone sees what a pigsty we live in), sitting in my comfy armchair and wishing I hadn’t done enough work to make my back bad. There was suddenly a loud ringing in my ears …..and then I realised it was the doorbell! I heaved myself out of the chair and opened the door to find one small boy singing carols on the doorstep. Now saying that these kids sing carols is actually a bit of a lie ‘cos most of them ring the bell and as soon as you open the door sing “We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy new Year” and then thrust out their grubby little mitts, expecting you to drop money into them.


I object to this – I object to the fact that they don’t know any proper carols, I object to the fact that they come round in ones and I really object to the fact that they want money for practically nothing^*1. I know it’s the season of goodwill and all that but if anything its going to make me go bah humbug, then it’ll be that.


Anyway, as I said, I was grumpy ‘cos I’d done too much and my back hurt. I was in my comfy chair and didn’t want to get out and so when I got to the door and saw this boy on his own and giving me his own brief rendition of “We wish you”^*2 I told him to go away and not come back until he was part of a group singing proper carols.

I toddled off back to my chair and had hardly sat down before the doorbell went again. On opening the door I was met by the same young man with 5 of his friends and as I opened the door they started the traditional “We wish you….” before swiftly moving on to two verses of “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem” – it was at this point that I cracked and went into the house to get my purse! D’you know, they even carried on singing while I was back in the house and then gave me a verse of Jungle bells before they left. I admit it, I gave them a couple of quid to split between them – after all, he had done exactly as I’d asked…

My only regret is that I didn’t get them to sing Oh Come all ye Faithful in the style of Twisted Sister. Now that really would be worth serious money….

^*1Its like Halloween, - in principle, I don’t object to Trick or Treat at all, even if it is an imported American tradition – in fact I think the idea of small kids getting dressed up and going out with a bag for sweeties is pretty cute. What I do object to is surly and threatening teenagers who ring your bell, stick their hand out wanting money and if you don’t give them any they egg your car!

^*2 …and surely since he was on his own it should have been “I wish you…”