I have an appointment (at last)

I have had a date for my check-up to see how my bones are growing. It is in late June as expected. Actually, it wasn’t going to be in June as I discovered when I called the hospital having heard nothing from them. The call went something like this:

Me : “I wondered if you could tell me when my appointment is likely to be?”
Bureaucratic monster lady (BML): “Due to your consultant’s holiday, rounds of golf and dinner out with friends the earliest it will be is 8th July”*

Me : “Can I put 8th July in my diary then?”
BML : “Oh no, 8th July is the earliest it will be – it will probably be later but I can’t turn that many pages in my diary or my fingers will get sore”**
Me : “Look, I don’t want to be a nuisance***, but I’m due an x-ray at my next appointment and until I get that x-ray I’m not allowed to do anything.
BML : “Due to your consultant’s busy schedule of long lunches, foreign holidays and having to make time for his mistress as well as his wife and kids****, there’s really nothing I can do, you’ll have to wait until we send you a letter”
Me : “Look, I really, really don’t want to be a nuisance*****, but when I say I can’t do anything, I mean anything – that includes bending stretching twisting driving lifting carrying laundry hoovering dusting (at this point I draw breath)… ******
BML : “Oh!” (sounds like riffling paper which could easily equally be knitting needles) – “I can fit you in on the 22nd June if you like”*******

Ah, the joys of having a National Health Service……

*I can’t remember the exact excuses she gave but I am certain these are the accurate ones…
**She didn’t tell me about here fingers either – I guessed that from her inability to check…
***Like heck I didn’t, but I have learnt that screaming “Listen here you fat cow” (or something else equally insulting, after all, I have no idea if she is a)fat or b)a cow!) , down the phone gets you nowhere …very fast!
****Again, I can’t remember the exact excuses but surely they must be something like this?
*****Ditto my last comment about being a nuisance (which I really, really want to be whatever I say down the phone), only now I am getting mad enough that ‘fat cow’ is starting to sound nice compared to some of the things I can think of…

*******And believe me I don’t do that often!
*******Well, why the heck didn’t she say so in the first place?