More advice type stuff

I have had several suggestions about making a list of the things that I couldn’t do over the past few weeks and a few other people offering the advice to concentrate on things you can do. So….with this in mind, here’s my list of things I couldn’t do, accompanied by my list of ways around the problems that I found. Now I guess these won’t work for everyone, but you never know….

• It’s hard to put on knickers and trousers (pants). Well, this is a bit of a tricky one but I managed to get round it with the use of my helping hand. It involves a ‘game’ which from hereon in will be known as ‘fishing for feet’. What happens is this – you dangle your feet off the edge of the bed and then grab hold of your right knicker leg with your helping hand and dangle that over the side of the bed too. Sooner or later your fishing will result in the catching of your left foot. Pull upwards until said knickers are firmly stretched around calf and then put right leg through other hole. Pull up to knee level with helping hand. Repeat with trousers – stand and pull both up to correct position. Easy!* It is worth remembering at this point that my left foot is not very clever and is apt to dangle around frustratingly close to where it should be without ever quite aiming in quite the right direction. Oh what fun I have of a morning…. (Please note, if you have fully directional/functional feet this game might be a bit easier!)
• It’s almost impossible to put on socks. This again is a really good fun game which involves fishing for feet. Thankfully hubby is at work when I attempt it as I think I couldn’t cope with his inevitable merriment if he were to watch me. In fact, I am certain if anyone were to watch the process, I would end up inserting my helping hand in places it was never intended to go (it is for this reason that I don’t open the curtains until after I am dressed just in case anyone is out there in the allotments with a pair of binoculars!). Anyway, socks are a time consuming affair which involves holding opening of sock with helping hand, managing to get sock over big toe – stretch sideways to get over other toes and oops – sock flies off (usually across the room). Stop, curse, retrieve sock and try again! Once sock is mostly on foot (with heel pointing upwards probably) then is the time to just live with it. I can rearrange my right one by lifting up my foot towards my bum, but then I can’t see what I am doing (no twisting) so it really is a hit and miss thing…
• I couldn’t wash my hair easily before I was able to shower. How do you do this over a sink without twisting or bending? Umm well, you mostly get a lot of water over the floor. With the right type of sink and a stool or chair that will enable you to sit under the basin you can stop making too much mess by just tipping your head/neck forwards and using a jug for the water. It’s the best I can suggest I’m sorry – unless you have a pal who like to mop up after you….
• Showering is a 2 person job – OK OK I know that this is usually fun, but not when you just need the other person to reach the shower controls and get you a towel as well as making sure you don’t go a*se over t*t whilst trying to get in and out of the bath!
• I don’t want to mention this, but it’s not easy to keep your nether regions wiped. Funnily it’s easier with one hand than the other (and this may not be the way you’re used to) I guess for me as I have orangutan length arms it’s a bit easier than for some and once out of hospital I coped OK. When in hospital you just have to accept that some things in life aren’t dignified and you need that kind of help. Apart from that – well, swab on a stick anyone?
• I couldn’t stand for long – not even long enough for the kettle to boil – so we put a stool in the kitchen for me to sit down on while I waited. That was a good and simple idea.
• I can’t stretch up (or down, or across or anywhere!)– so bugger it – if it’s on a high shelf I leave it there!
• I can’t do anything at ground level at all – I drag the post in from the front door under one crutch and once in the living room use my helping hand to pick it all up. The cats think this is a great game and run around the lounge chasing the letters. It can take ages to collect it all as I need to sit down and recover often. In such small ways the day can pass really quickly – so “bored?” - heck no, no time!
• My sofa was too low to sit on. Actually that’s not true it’s just too low to get off – however I have discovered that if I boost myself onto a cushion and from there boost myself onto 2 cushions I am high enough to stand. Odd, but true!

Ah well, I think this list is too long now so I’ll stop!

*My good buddy Kat over in the good ole US of A has found another way round this one which is (in her own words: “I did make pant pull on thingies using office paper clips (big sturdy clips) and string. You clip them to your undies and pants, lower them with the strings down to your feet, slide your feet in and then pull the strings up until you can grab them” True genius there Kat!