I’m full of advice me

This is just a bunch of random mumblings that occurred to me when I was in hospital – its odd stuff, but if you’re getting surgery you may want to know it!

• Anything you try and do after surgery hurts more than you think it will, takes longer to complete and generally exhausts you. Well, I’m sure you wouldn’t think that washing could take an hour and make you feel like you’ve run a marathon – but it does!
• Learn hospital routines – when they get you up and when lunch comes etc. Hey, when you know how long ‘til the next exciting thing to happen, the day will go faster (well that’s what I found anyway!).
• Take all the drugs they offer you – don’t be brave. The best thing you can do for yourself is get moving as soon as you are allowed – you can’t do this is you are in agony.
• Take an interest in your drugs – why you are getting what you are getting and when. This will help when you get home as you will already be in a routine.
• If you have a chest drain and you need to turn, try not to roll on top of it. It will hurt (oh boy will it!). Be brave when they take it out – and don’t worry too much about that either as it’s all over pretty fast!
• Drink lots – you don’t want an infection down there to add to all your other woes – besides which, it will help keep your blood pressure stable (yes really!)
• Eat as soon as you can, your body needs calories to heal.
• When you wake up from your operation you will be all puffy and feel like the Michelin man – this will pass in a few days but makes you look and feel pretty weird.
• Wet wipes are nice when you are stuck in bed – yes, I know there are bed baths but still….

Thinks that’s all the odd stuff I wanted to tell you apart from the fact that if you want a Chippendale in hospital with you, take your own – none of the male nurses quite hit the mark there!