Why am I still so calm?

I have no idea why I am still so calm about all of this when there are just so few days to go now. It’s only in these last few days that I can get all those hundreds of things done that I need to - right? Well, wrong! I have no idea why it is, but I guess I am just ready for this now. Of course, I will never be ready in the way that you are for an emergency operation (please see the entry regarding surgery with a spoon) as while you are still leading a relatively normal life you have to wonder how necessary it is to get this done - especially this particular week! (Actually I’m sure my life is in no way normal, but that has nothing to do with my scoliosis….)

I think the length of time that the NHS keeps you waiting for surgery helps in some ways. Firstly you get enough time to get all the information you need to make an informed decision and to prepare mentally & physically (getting fit, eating well, taking vitamins etc). Next comes the time when you get fed up with all the waiting (completely unnecessary!) and then when the date finally comes through you are so relieved that you don’t have to answer the query of “when”(?) over and over that its worth doing just for that. (Gosh doesn’t that sound flippant!). Seriously, if you get to pick a date, I would think that about 6 months would be about perfect (- there, you’re perfect Lynne!). It’s enough time to get sorted and not so long that you get fed up with waiting.*

There are a couple of other things that make it easier to be calm too. Firstly, I have had a few operations before – I know that the anaesthetist will probably make me count backwards from 10 (and I’ll only get to 7 however hard I try) and I know that hospital food is ... ummm interesting. I know things hurt but it gets better and I know that inevitably yikky stuff goes on too (but I won’t gross you out just yet – wait for my post op reports!). I also know that the doctors are experts (because it’s their job to be) and that nurses are nurses because they care. They will do their best for me because no-one goes into work in the morning (whatever their job) and goes “I think I’ll just do a really bad job today because I feel like it”. So, as far as the operation and the hospital go, I have nothing to worry about and no reason not to be calm. Oh, sure I know there are risks, but there are busses on the roads too…..and I haven’t been run over yet!

All the other stuff there is to get not calm about, well, most of that is overcome by simply being prepared. I already bought my new nightie and dressing gown and I have stockpiled my magazines to take. I have been hoarding my small change all week and setting it by for the pay phone – I have puzzle books and pens and all the stuff on my list – boring but necessary! Oh yes and hey, I’m a pretty pragmatic person, if I forget anything or something new comes along then I’ll rise to that challenge when it comes. You can’t do more than go into hospital prepared for the stay and comfortable with your decisions – all that remains then is to let everyone else get on with their jobs and life will go on around you.

So there you go, I feel fine. My only real concern is hubby and how he will cope as he’s the one who will be doing the worrying. I shall just be reacting when they poke me, but he’s the one who has to do the cat feeding, driving, blog updating, laundry, cleaning, cooking, going to work, worrying (did I say that already), etc, etc. Gosh, maybe someone should tell him what he’s let himself in for ……..and send him regular hugs – he didn’t get a cuddly dog for Christmas after all!

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*Another point about the waiting is that it gives you the time to do something special to look back on while you’re recovering – you could take a dream trip or even have a weekend in Bognor Regis if that’s what floats your boat….