Happy New Year!

Just that.....



...I hope that it is truly happy, healthy and wealthy for you all.....

Merry Crimbo....!

Hi everyone

Just wanted to say thanks to you all for reading my blog and your comments and support.
Nothing else except....

Merry Christmas to you all!

...the goose is getting fat...

I love Christmas, always have – it’s not just the presents and the decorations, but for me it’s all about being able to show people how much you care for them, in a world where we don’t often take the time to say it. Somehow I always seem to be too busy to meet up for lunch and while away the hours just chilling out with the people I love best. I admit it too, I am a busy type of person who finds it hard to just ‘be’ – I always seem to have the next thing to be done on my mind and it’s hard to find the things that entice my nose away from its grindstone. Friday nights with the BUF make me do that ...and so does Christmas. As a family we usually don’t turn on the telly on all day, we just spend our time, playing games and spending (what I see as) special time with each other.

This year though, I know will be different from normal and I don’t know how everyone else is going to feel. To start with, mother has gone away for Christmas to friends in Canada so that will be the first time ever that we won’t see her over the Christmas period. Then of course, there’s the big spectre – my achalasia. I don’t want to sound depressing but I just have no idea how it will affect other people over the dinner table (let alone how I feel about it). I was recently asked what I would eat for Christmas dinner and I flippantly said pureed carrots and bread sauce. Flip it may have been, but its not that far from the truth and the whole idea is odd – I am not looking forward to the food aspects of Christmas but isn’t that often a strong focus of the season? I am going to MBP and the SIL’s as well and feel bad already as I know I won’t be able to eat what she has made. I feel guilty about my medical condition which is nuts...I guess you just don’t realise what a focus food is in people’s lives and how much we all take it for granted until it becomes a problem. What’s worse is I know how much it upsets hubby as he is reminded every day, every meal, that I have a problem and one that really upsets him whenever he tries to imagine what it would be like to live with it.

For me, I just think this year will be odd and different but that doesn’t mean that I won’t still enjoy spending that special time with my family.

EEEEking Ebay....

I am currently waiting from a response from an EBay seller after asking them if I can cancel my bid. I just bid for an item but forgot to insert the decimal point at the appropriate place in the amount I wanted to bid and find myself with a possible £582.00 to pay for a £5.00 item.

I think my senior moments may be starting....

Fishing for cats

Well, Christmas is nearly on us again and hubby got the trusty tree down from the attic. For days Grace was eyeing the box, trying to get in and today we opened it up – cue one excited Grace and one rather bemused looking Clumsy (eh?? what’s this and what’s it doing in my house??) – Clumsy looks slightly bemused much of the time so I wasn’t too worried there – and Grace obviously clearly remembered her very own climbing frame that was stashed away in the attic after too few weeks of play time..

That was it; we plugged in the branches and waited for ...ooh....about 25 seconds. She was up the tree, down the tree, jumping in, jumping out (whilst Clumsy looked on in bemusement (predictably) being much too clumsy to even think of trying such antics)...well, plug in wire branches are not made to take the weight of 4 year old cats, however graceful and light-footed they are and before long the tree of 36 branches only had 34, then 32, then 28 and so on....

We muttered and huffed a bit and came up with a solution – a real tree with nasty spiky branches and dense growth close to the trunk to deter her and so toddled off out to buy one (real tree being much nicer anyway and keeps the poor Forestry Commission guys in work in these times of credit crunching!).

Having found a fine specimen, Hubby duly lugged it home and we set it up in its bucket of water in the lounge. “Top up daily” said the instructions “and it may be helpful to float some pieces of polystyrene in the water to easily see when the water level drops”. That seemed sensible, so we did. That was it, Grace comes in, investigates (Ow! Spikey!) tree and then spies the polystyrene beans and starts fishing in the water for them...

...ooo, bobby beady thing...

....ooo, wet....! ...(shakes paw)...

...ooo, bobby beady thing...

....ooo, wet....! ...(shakes paw)...

Repeat ad infinitum.

Well, it entertained us....!

Things happen in 3’s

As a quick add on to the last entry we went to the pub quiz again and lo and behold there was nothing special going on. We thought the questions were really hard and thought we hadn’t done very well until we added up at the end – 91 points didn’t sound so bad....especially since he announced that second place had tied at 90 points. We had won!

Now each question is worth 2 points so you have to ask how our score was an odd number and it’s all down to the fact that the SIL remembered something about a serial killer called ‘maybe the panther?’ – Turns out it was the Black Panther, but whoever marked our paper generously gave us 1 point for getting half the answer. Thanks guys....

...so we won the princely sum of £15 which I am going to save for when I can eat again and treat us to a pizza!

Quality Street and quizzes

So, PMB and the SIL go out with us once a fortnight to the pub quiz and we have a lot of fun and suddenly find out just how competitive we all are...!

It always comes to the end of the night, we’ve totted up our scores and we wait with bated breath to see if we’ve made it into the top three. The quizmaster always calls the teams ‘in no particular order’ but leaves the best 3 until last and we are gutted if we don’t get close...it’s a cash prize (a proportion of the takings) but for us it’s not about the money at all...it’s about the winning!

So, the other week we went and when we arrived we found out that it was a pink night in aid of breast cancer. All the people (apart from us, because we didn’t know) were wearing pink and there were special prizes and a raffle etc. We did the quiz as usual and although not especially happy with our score (especially since for some stupid reason we failed to realise that there was a character called Maria in the Sound of Music) we sat waiting for the scores as usual. It was at that point that the phone rang (or at least it buzzed around on the table a bit because it was on silent) and it turns out that it was mother who had arrived at the station early having just come back off holiday and wanted a lift. The original plan was for her to arrive about 30 minutes after we left the pub but there you go, that’s public transport, late if you’re in a hurry, early if you’re busy!

So, we decide to rush out the door to get her and Alan (the quizmaster stops us) – “You can’t go” he says “you’ve tied for first place and there’s a tiebreaker question.” Now bearing in mind this was the first time we have ever got to first place (even if it was a tie), mother or no mother^*1 we were going to stay for the next few minutes....anyway, well, you know that thing where they ask a question and the answer is easy because you know it, well it was like that. As an avid watcher of Top Gear and a bit of a closet petrol head, when they asked how long the new Fiat 500 was, I confidently picked a number and was only a few inches out...so....we won...and because it was a special night, we got a box of Quality Street (what's in your tin?) and no money!

Next time we went to the quiz, it was another special night, this time for Pudsey Bear and Children in Need. People were wearing pyjamas and just like last time, we didn’t know about it so turned up in regular clothes (that’s the problem with going every fortnight, the announcements of what’s happening next week aren’t much use to you!). This time, mother was at home so we had no worries of urgent phone calls and we were all armed with Barclays Bank pens ^*2 and were ready to go. At the end we knew we’d done well too – no silly Maria answers and we only dropped 6 points in the whole evening! Amazingly for the second time we found out that we’d come joint first and had another tie breaker. Eeek! It was a football based question (no help from me here or hubby, we only watch rugby) so it was all down to PMB who doesn’t really watch football either. Anyway, he conjured up a figure out of mid air and won again...another box of Quality Street!

Ah well, I guess that’s Christmas taken care of and besides which with all my not eating proper food (unless its been 'sloppified'), I could do with the extra calories!

^*1Mother had come all the way back from China via Russia on the Trans-Siberian express and now we were going to be late meeting her at the station – that’s pretty poor really, isn’t it. I think we are very bad children...
^*2The SIL takes it very seriously that every time she goes to the bank and reads the sign that says please take one of our pens - she does!

Aaaah bless....

When I saw the manometry doctor we were talking about my condition (funny that, normally I go and see the doctor to talk about sport ) and I mentioned that I had lost a lot of weight and was finding it impossible to gain any.

“We see that a lot with this condition”, he said. “People lose weight and generally just fail to thrive”

I felt like he wanted to pat me on the head and go "there, there"^*1....failure to thrive indeed - sounds so odd, doesn’t it?

^*1I like this version from Jools Holland Show....

This thing called Achalasia.

The Internet is indeed a wonderful and strange place where many odd things can be found and people connect with each other through shared interests all over the world. Indeed, when I was looking for scoliosis support I found 3 forums and more sites than I could possibly imagine. Some of the people I met online I felt so close to since they were going through the same as me and our shared experiences in turn helped us and others to get through a difficult time. This all brings me to now...

...now, I have been diagnosed with something else horrible. It has no cure and any treatment serves only to alleviate the symptoms. It affects me every day, every time I eat and most times when I drink but it’s not like suddenly discovering I have coeliac disease or diabetes where I have to change my diet. It doesn’t really matter what I try to eat –in theory I can tolerate any food I want – if only I could get it inside me!

So, I did a little digging on the internet and came up with some very good informative sites (like here, here and here,) but really very little in the way of support. Now I know that this is something that only affects 1 in 100,000 people, but there are a lot of people on the planet – so I was a bit surprised. Now, before all you achalasia support people out there get annoyed at me, I know that you are all posting on places like the Gastroenterology forums but then you have to sift through all sorts of other conditions (some of them quite ‘eew’ as well), before finding anyone else who is just the same as you.

So, without the support of hundreds of random people, I have had to make up my own mind and after all the testing (endoscopy, barium swallow and manometry – which shows I am a textbook case!) I have decided to go back under the knife. I just want to be able to eat and I hope that they can get me reasonably well fixed as soon as possible. All I have to do now is wait for a date to go in – it’s all rather a shame really – I had thought I’d left all my surgery behind me....

So, as you may be able to tell from my tone, I am finding this all rather depressing and I am just in a bit of a funk generally. Poor old hubby is bearing all this with great stoicism as usual and Clumsy is trying to help by dribbling in my ear when I am in bed. What do you think....should I go out and spend lots of money???

Acka...what???

I know I mentioned my swallowing thing before, but I have finally got a diagnosis. Apparently I have Achalasia (which I have been told is said Achalasia as in Aphid, not achalasia as in apple....!) anyway, I digress...

It basically means that the nerves supplying the lower part of my oesophagus have decided to pack it all up as a bad idea and my peristalsis just twitters occasionally (on a good day) without actually doing anything useful. Of more concern to me (and the main stuff of all my difficulties) is the fact that this nerve thing means that my stomach valve doesn’t open to let food into my tummy so it just kind of stacks up in my gullet until eventually it manages to squeeze its way through the tiny little hole left at the bottom.

I thought I’d post my x-ray (very odd eh?):
– my valve is the bit just below the level of those two screws and my problem started (in some kind of haphazard way) after my surgery happened. First I had occasional problems with toast and then it was bread, then meat and then gradually over time I found I was having some issues with every meal. Now...I had nerve damage through my surgery (remember the numb abdomen and the leg thing) so I asked my surgeon if it might be connected to my spine.

“...Um, no, I’m sure it isn’t”, he said – “but we don’t really know why this kind of thing happens...”

Now, I’ve heard that people who have broken their thoracic spine get a higher incidence of achalasia so I think they may indeed be connected. Having said that, in such litigious times, I think no doctor or surgeon would suggest that another’s work might lead to any kind of related medical complication just in case you decide to rush out and sue them!

For me, I’m not interested in litigation, I was simply curious. My spine surgeon once said to me that you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs and I’m pretty glad to have been a pretty good omelette, rather than a box of broken eggs that would have to be thrown away.

Anyway, as I get more details, I’ll let you know more on the acka-what story later

Car Window 1 Finger 0

Did you know that modern cars have some kind of sensor on the electric windows so that you can’t use them to slice small children’s fingers off? I did! What I did not know was that my 25 year old car (which has electric windows) has no such sensor and safety cut out. With mine, you press the button and the window goes up, if you put a carrot in the way, it slices it in half (I am sure of this but have not yet gone to the trouble of wasting a carrot^*1). I know this because someone left a note under my windscreen wiper...

Now before you wonder what anyone was doing leaving me a note about my electric windows under the windscreen wiper, let me explain that the note had nothing to do with anything (apart from the fact that I had parked in a staff space without a badge, late at night when all the staff had gone home). I know it was naughty, but it seemed to me that at 9 pm outside a school there really wouldn’t be too many teachers around (sadly there was an overzealous caretaker, hence the note).

Anyway, that’s just dragging out the story so I will try and give you the short version! It went like this:

1. I got in my car before I saw the note
2. I started to drive across the car park
3. I then spotted the note
4. I wound down window to collect note
5. I had to lean a long way out to reach the note and ended up leaning on the ‘window close’ button with my other hand by mistake as I stretched to reach the note
   
6. At that point the window started to go up
7. I pulled arm into car - quickly - but caught a ring on my finger in top of window
8. My finger got trapped by the rising window which had no sensor to stop the rising glass when it encountered a foreign object (such as my finger)
   
9. In the dark and in a major panic I mashed all the buttons on my door - opening the windows on the far side of the car (very helpful...not!) in the process before finally getting the button to open my window.
   
10. Result, a very squashed ring and a pretty bruised finger....

Mmmmm – don’t try this one at home...


^*1I am waiting for the ones in the fridge to get past even soup making before I have a go.....

Enough with the tinkering....

So, I didn't like any of the templates but I don't know quite enough html to tinker with them....so, the only thing to do was to learn a bit more html!

The only problem with this is that you do a bit..then check to see if its all gone horribly wrong, find out that it hasn't, but its the wrong colour, change the colour and - guess what...yep, it all goes horribly wrong!

Anyway, in the end I am quite happy with the result - any complaints, let me know and I will take them all under advisement - I may even print out your comments and file them in the round filing cabinet under my desk along with the discarded sweet wrappers and stuff....

Proper blogging will resume in a day or so....

Coming along...

As you can see, there have been a few changes to the blog...I'm not happy with all of them but at least it seems to be working OK.

Rest assured, I will have another go at it and get it all sorted soon, but for now my back is starting to ache and I need a cuppa!

Housekeeping....

I have been quite aware for a while that some of the links on my blog no longer work. I'd like to do something about this but everytime I try to Blogger gives me rude messages suggesting I update my template. Now, all that is fine and dandy, but I like this one....and I like it even more because when I started blogging as far as I was concerned, html might have stood for 'Have ten more lattes'. PTV did his best to put me right, throwing a few snips my way and numerous links to 'teach yourself html' and 'so you think you can write a blog eh...dummy?' and in time I designed most of this page from the bottom up, complete with all those weird characters (which I can't show you here or my page will look all funny) and a few other bits which I still don't understand them as I just stole them from someone else's site!

So, I think the time has come for some kind of redesign ...and I shall save this one just in case it all goes t*ts up. I suspect though that Blogger might never let me get out of their namby pamby babying world of the new easier template. I am sure that they are like Microsoft, who feel that they know what is easy for you. It's that kind of easy that Vista now asks you several times (instead of just once) if you wish to install new software by asking whether you actually want to do it or if you are actually allowed to do so....well, duh, sorry.....even if I wasn't allowed to do it do you think I would click the button 'No, cancel this installation, I'm not allowed!'

Bring back the good old days when computers thought you knew what you were doing even when you didn't and we all had so much fun staring at a big blue screen an wondering what to do next!

Speaking of big blue screens, hubby's laptop went phut recently and I just bought a new hard drive, fixed it and reinstalled everything - no mean feat when hubby has lost the driver disc and I had no idea what components were installed. I only tell you this because I feel pleased with myself ....and also so you know that when I am offline for ages whilst designing my new template, that it is not because I am complete idiot...!

Purrfect Feline Behaviour

We have the best behaved cats in the world. I am absolutely sure of this now even though I have not always been convinced in the past.

A week or so ago we went away for a cottage holiday and took the cats with us. We also got to see PTV and HLW which was brilliant...it’s been too long! Anyway, the cats...

We had our week away and then put the cats in the basket to bring them home. Now, we are lucky, with our cats this is quite a simple process and goes something like this:

• Open basket
• Pick cat up off windowsill
• Put cat in basket (leave door of basket open ready for second cat)
• Pick cat up off windowsill
• Put second cat in basket
• Close door.

Now I know you’re all thinking that that’s all wrong and where’s the gauntlets, the shredded curtains and the claws embedded in the outside of the basket? Nope, that’s just the way it is with us and if you can believe it, it gets better...

On the way home (it’s about 4 hours) we stopped for a drink at the services and opened the basket for the cats to stretch their legs and also have a drink. After 20 minutes or so we came back to the car to find them both sitting up on the back seat. Now Grace (being the more nervy) then tried to make a break for ‘under the seat’ when we opened the door but this may have been because she wasn’t certain who was about to open the door. For all she knew it was some mad cat-napper who was going to steal her away and cut her ear off to prove that it really was her whilst asking for a huge ransom (she has quite an imagination - my cat!). Anyway, as soon as she realised it was us she resumed her post on the seat and we got in.

It was at that point that Clumsy climbed in to the basket completely unbidden and Grace followed him. I swear they would have shut the door behind themselves if only they could have reached the latch....!

Not naming and shaming

I decided it was time to upgrade my trusty camera. I’ve had it about 5 years and 3 mega pixel is getting a bit passé now – besides which, its already been repaired once and sees an awful lot of use and abuse so I have no idea how long it will last. Of course, the real reason is that I saw my dream camera online and it was in my price bracket, so I was just looking for any kind of excuse so that I could justify it to myself!

Having made the decision, I went online, only to discover that the link to the page with the best deal didn’t work so I thought I’d phone the company in question and do it the old fashioned way and order over the phone. I spoke to a very nice man (a very very nice man^*1) who told me that the new range is due out in November, so my dream camera was now a discontinued, out of stock model and there were no new stocks available from Canon. He advised me to buy one now as the replacement did not have the same features and he also advised me to do it soon as lots of people were trying to get them before stocks ran out altogether!

Thus ensued the usual thing of web searching and price comparison sites until I had narrowed it down to a best price but no stock levels shown, so, heart in mouth, I phoned them. Yes, the lady said, we have 2 here in stock but please can you order online, it’ll be easier for us. My fingers flew over the keyboard as I spoke to her....it was to be mine....mine..!

That was Friday. Monday, I had an e-mail saying that they couldn’t fulfil my order as they were out of stock! So, in best seething fashion I phoned them and squeaked my story down the phone.

“Ah” the lady said, “we had 4 orders over the weekend and only 2 cameras are in stock”.
“Grrrrr” I said (only much more politely), “I ordered mine Friday and I bet my name came first alphabetically too AND I was on the phone to you checking stock levels while I was ordering!”
“Oh” said the lady (very quietly), “let me see what I can do” (there is the sound of whispering in the background from her end). “Um, let me see”, she said, “We could cancel one of the later orders and give you the camera, how does that sound?”

Now, that’s a result.

....oh yes, and my camera arrived the very next day and is everything I dreamed of so I am content....

^*1 See here

Oh no – I can’t move my leg!

So, a little while ago hubby took me to the cinema (I can’t remember now what it was to see but we have had a superhero glut with Iron Man, Incredible Hulk ^*1and Hellboy 2....and we love all that fun stuff!). Anyway, we went to the cinema, did the usual – hubby bought exorbitantly overpriced popcorn and I went for the strangest Ben and Jerry’s combinations I could find (Cherry Garcia with Chunky Monkey anyone?). We headed into the auditorium and sat down, all excited like and that’s when the trouble started.

“I can’t move my leg” I whispered to hubby....

Well, that’s not completely unknown in my world of wonky wiring so I gave hubby my ice cream and started tugging on my jeans...

“I really can’t move my leg!” I squeaked (feeling a little alarmed that it had maybe gone into some kind of spasm and was locked in place)...

Hubby gives me the drink, popcorn, ice cream, his coat and the ticket stubs for me to juggle while he gets down on the floor and grabs my leg....

“OMG!” He says “I can’t move your leg either!”......then.....”Oh, you dope, you’ve got your leg brace trapped under the seat!”

Turns out that when I had sat down on the flip down seat, the back of my leg brace had got trapped under the folded down seat (being exactly the length from the floor to the underside of the seat) and just wedged me in.....all I had to do was stand up and lo and behold, my leg started working again!

^{*1 Marvel have been very busy over the last few years}

More tales of choking

Now reading the last heading, I’m sure friends of mine nodded sagely as if they were sure what was coming and then were completely confused. You see, I have been choking a lot while eating for a while now...well, not exactly choking, more a kind of eyeball popping effort to get my dinner down as food seems to be getting stuck in my gullet. I’ve had the camera down the throat thing (yum yum...not!) and it showed, well, nothing actually, and now I am waiting for more tests. I can’t eat my dinner properly and the NHS tell me that I should be seen in around 5 months time. This means a visit to the BUPA hospital as I just can't stand waiting that long....mind, don't forget, we do have the best National Health System in the world.....don't we?

Anyway, I have had various suggestions from people as to what the problem might be and while they all sound plausible, there’s no answer yet. Someone even suggested that I have a screw loose and it’s poking in the wrong direction – I do hope not as it would be a long way off target! It is interesting though as this problem started after my surgery and has gradually got worse over time. So, watch this space, maybe I will make medical history yet....

Warning – this food may cause you to choke

So, it was Friday so the FNG was coming round (unsurprisingly) and he loves curry so I decided to cook a Kashmiri Marsala. I read the jar and duly started spooning in the required quantity to the pan – so far so good! That didn’t last long though as within minutes we all started coughing - hubby and the FNG deserted me and I soldiered on, trying to lean out the window as I stirred. I wouldn’t mind if I had started to burn the food or that annoying little bit of something had stuck to the underside of the pan and was merrily sizzling just where I couldn’t see it....oh no, nothing simple like that, it was just the mixture of spices in this particular curry that really caught you in the back of the throat when you heated them (as if you were likely not to heat them, making a curry!)

Anyway, I carried on cooking and eventually we sat down to eat. It was at that point I decided to throw out the rest of the jar! Now don’t get me wrong, it was fine to eat, but, As I said to the FNG, it’s just not so good that it’s worth asphyxiating myself during cooking again!

So, here I am....

So, here I am, home again. Back to normality and news. Hubby has been a treasure while I’ve been away and I came back to well fed cats and a clean house – I have no idea what it all looked like 24 hours before I came home but when I came home it all looked fab....well, apart from the hole in the hall ceiling that is....

...now I hasten to add here that I don’t think hubby was doing somersaults on the landing or using a pogo stick over enthusiastically in the hall to ruin the ceiling, I think we had what is known in the trade as “sudden ceiling collapse”! I’m sure when we bought our house (which was built in 1896), our surveyor said something like “your ceilings are original and they might fall down at any moment” but in true it’ll be fine ^*1 fashion, I chose to ignore it. Now, before I went away, the BUF and her VNSO came to visit and we were discussing the crack in the ceiling which seemed to be growing day by day and I did mean to get in touch with the plasterer but, um, well, you know how it is....

Anyway, as to how sudden it was, we are really not quite sure as poor hubby went away for the weekend and came home to a pile of rubble on the carpet. The only witnesses were Clumsy and Grace and they’re saying nothing. Me, I suspect that they had one of those thunder up and down the stairs moments and the whole lot collapsed, but they’re not owning up to anything!

My only other news on my return was that Hubby had not only found a new job, but had actually started work too. I don’t think it’s exactly what he would have chosen, but it pays much better than the dole so he’ll stick it out for a bit.

Normality seems to be returning.....

^*1I say this a lot

The problem of having your leg attached to your body...

A few days ago, I was told that the bathroom floor in our apartment was lethal when wet, so I decided to be very safe and take my wheelchair into the bathroom to sit on to get dressed. I had a lovely shower, and perched on the edge of my chair to dry myself as planned and everything was hunky dory. The problem started when I raised one leg to put my trousers on and the other leg just started sliding across the floor in a way that perfectly imitated Bambi on ice...

So....my backside hit the ground with a thump, and I said ooof (or something like that!) and E2O starts banging on the door. "Are you ok in there?" she yells, "Can I come in?". Long story short (which involves keys and all sorts because I'd locked the door) and she sees me sitting on the floor in a state of shock with tears in my eyes

"OMG!" she exclaimed, "Are you all right?"
"My leg slid away from me, and a landed in a puddle and now my knickers are all wet" I bleated.
E2O burst out laughing^*1 - "Well, that's the problem you get" she said, "when your legs are inconveniently attached to your body!"

I can always reply on her for support and sympathy in a time of crisis as you can see - although this time I am at least grateful she didn't get her camera and take a photo!

At least it was not a painful experience - merely an undignified one....


^*1 Turns out she was so worried I had hurt myself that she thought it was really funny that I was more concerned about my wet clothes than how bruised I was. She later admitted that she had once fallen and cut her head open and was more concerned that she had ruined her shirt than the fact that there was blood pouring out of her. It's amazing how the brain works sometimes!

Eek, it's poison ....

...maybe it was orange???

Anyway, a few days ago we had to go to the Ambassador's for a reception in a marquee in the garden. This marquee had very posh carpets and chandaliers but I'm guessing it still qualifies as a marqueee as I think the sides may have once been some kind of reinforced material....before the wallpapaer was applied (actually I am joking about the wallpaper!). Anyway, it was very nice, with free flowing drinks and lots of people wandering around with little trays of canapes.

The following morning P of O * didn't feel very well. She had a bit of Beijing belly and after a while came over grumbling;

"I dunno", she said, " Come all this way to China, just to be poisoned by your own Embassy!"

Poor thing, but it didn't half tickle me!

*Phantom of Opera or Physio of Our-flat whichever you prefer....
BTW, she is better now....

A sidenote on amputation

Perhaps this is non pc of me, but I have become fascinated by prosthetic legs. People around here all wear shorts and show off their 'legs' proudly. There is such an assortment, from those that loook like human skin to those unusual looking 'blade runners'. In between is an enormous range from those that look like a metal broomstick with a shoe or (slightly more odd ) bare foot on the end to those that woudldn't look out of place on the set of the next Terminator movie - all hydraulics and shiny steel. The people who use them almost without exception walk so fluidly that the limb looks every much a part of them as their own skin and bone. I know that is true from conversation, but its another thing to be able to sense, feel and see that for yourself.

On caterpillars...

So, life in the Olympic village continues smoothly although that is perhaps not the word that some people would use when looking at the number of limpers and lurchers around the place. Progress is not always smooth in such cases...not that I can talk of course, having been a limper and lurcher all my life! In fact my smooth progress these days is only down to the chair, which has been a huge help in enabling me to cover the long distances required around here.

Today, I saw a caterpillar of people wend their way down the road, each with their hand on the shoulder of the guy in front - the guy in front had a white stick which he ran along the pavement. This really was a case of the blind leading the blind! I cannot get over the level of trust that they must have in each other - it really is amazing! I do wonder though what happens if the 5th guy in line loses touch with the guy in front of him. Do they get lost or do they just whip out their own white stick and become the leader of another caterpillar?

Of course, this kind of thing happens all the time with large groups of wheelchairs where people who get tired grab onto the handles of the guy in front. Not such a bad thing to collect 16 wheelchairs behind you if you are in an electric chair (need a big motor though) but not so much fun at all if you are in a manual chair and are are the person at the front. You sit there pushing away and the chair gets a little heavier as one person gets on, then another and its a bit tougher , then another and you start to feel like you're going uphill. 16 people later and there is much mirth and merriment behind you as you start to feel like you are pushing your way through deep (very, very deep) wet cement.....and then your arms drop off!

What an Amazing Start....

The Paralympic Games started yesterday and I was lucky enough to be in the Birds nest stadium to see it all get kicked off. The atmosphere was amazing...I really did have goosebumps on my goosebumps!

More great stuff on this can be found here...they can do this stuff justice so much better than I can!

A change of name emerges....

EO is now E2O as it was her birthday yesterday. She got another Eeyore to add to the collection so that’s it. We have discussed the new name and she is happy! I did think of calling her E2TSSO, as she also had a teddy, sheep and snake, but that seemed a little extreme....and before you all start wondering why a grown woman should be getting such a menagerie for her birthday, I should add that they were largely good luck charms for her trip!

I am now settled in and unpacked having travelled halfway across the world for a 2 day stop and then on to China. All is well in the world and the sun is shining – so far there isn’t even too much smog! Considering I am here for what could be a pretty stressful time, I am actually pretty unstressed and enjoying myself...although there’s always time for that to change.

Yesterday I had one of those silly moments where a photo was taken that I will probably regret forever and will be face-booked around the world if I am really unlucky. I was trying on one of those silly hats (the ones like a giant top hat with bells and lawd knows what attached) and discovered that trying to fit it on my rather small head (I normally wear children’s caps etc) was indeed a foolish notion. I put it on, resting on top of my glasses, then took them off to clean them and the hat slid right down over my nose, over my chin and only stopped when it reached my shoulders. To add insult to injury, the top of the hat was then dressed with a wig and I was forced to have my picture taken (if I get a copy maybe i can post it) ....by multiple people. All this in 30 degree heat – I was only allowed to take it off when I made sounds of asphyxiating woman from under the hat! Egads, I have some cruel friends....!

So that's it for a while?

So, that's it for a bit I think as I fly off to China tomorrow for three weeks. It will be a very interesting time I think and I am very much looking forward to it.

Of course, I am also concerned about leaving hubby for the same amount of time ...and Grace and Clumsy too! I hope they will remember to feed him and don't trip him up at the top of the stairs...

Anyway, the freezer is full of ready meals and I have left instructions on what to do in almost any situation (barring such unusual items as preparing a three course meal for the mayor and his wife, in which case more ready meals will have to suffice!) This trip will also be odder than normal as this time he isn't working so will have many daily hours to fill (I was hopefully thinking of housework when I first wrote this, but I am a pragmatist, so won't hold my breath...). I have also left instructions with the BUF and various other folks to keep an eye on him - you know who you are - be warned, I will be giving you marks out of ten on my return!!

I suspect I will come home to a completed xbox game and a recently (probably very recently) hoovered carpet and a couple of happy looking kitties who have been spoiled rotten in the absence of their mum.

In any case I can't do too much about it from the other side of the world so will just have to concentrate on me this time......

Oh yes... I am taking a computer away with me so I may yet update this ...that's if I'm not too busy answering my hundreds of e-mails (hint hint...)

Without wit here

I have been trying to think of some nice witty story for you all, but so far nothing has really come to me. It’s not that life is going badly, quite the contrary, but just nothing really funny has happened to report on. Life generally is pretty ok at the moment – a little fly in the ointment when hubby was made redundant but he’s getting interviews so we are hopeful for a new job soon. His employers were, of course, perfectly reasonable about the redundancy, giving plenty of warning etc. It went like this:

• Thursday (out of the blue): “We’re putting 3 of you ‘at risk’ – one of you will go!”
• Note, one of these people has loads more experience than the other two so was never an option ...they should have said 50% of you will go...
• Wednesday (following, one year to the day that he joined the company): “you’re the one going...”
• Friday: Receives final wage slip...on his birthday....

Life just isn’t fair sometimes eh?

Apart from that though, as I said, life is pretty good, but I have been very busy. I have spent the last few days packing, unpacking and then packing again as I am away on a trip again soon (more in a few days on that) and despite the fact that I know what I should be taking I keep checking my lists, noting that I’ve packed whatever it is, but then rooting around in the bag until I find it ‘just to be sure', and then having to re-pack because I’ve made a mess. Then of course I started sorting out cables. OMG, what’s all that about? I need the cable for the phone, the cable for the camera, the cable for my iPod, the cable to connect the modem to the wall, the cable to ...well you get the idea! Of course, most of these things will charge off the laptop, but then I need the power cable for the laptop too...And, in addition to all that, I currently have 5 different lists in 4 different rooms and still don’t know if I have everything I need or if it will all go in. I think I will get back to you when I am a little less frazzled by it all....

Is it really 2 ½ years?

I can’t believe that its 2 ½ years ago today that I was being wheeled down for my surgery and wondering what the future would hold for me. Indeed, what I was really hoping for was that someone would stabilise my spine as a very minimum to stop it hurtling off to my right hand side at an alarming rate. I find myself sometimes idly speculating about what would have happened if I hadn’t had it done. Having reached a point where my head was then outside of my hip line, let alone my body line, gravity was really taking its toll and my 1-2 degree a year shift (which is typical for a progressive scoliosis) turned into a 6 degree shift per year in the last 2 years before surgery. OK, let’s do the maths...I was about 75 degrees before surgery in my lumbar curve; add 15 degrees for 2 ½ years – that would put me at a 90 degree lumbar curve right now. In another 2 ½ years that would be over 100 degrees...so, if I hadn’t had the surgery that would have been the situation in 5 years and I would have been looking at 130 degrees in 10 years. I now see why they told me that I was looking at major organ failure and paralysis in 10 years if I didn’t get it done....whoa.....scary....!

It seems to make it all the more amazing then that I now find myself sitting here at the desk in the middle of my office chair. By in the middle I mean that my body is pretty much equidistant from each chair arm...I don’t lean to the right, or the left. I, to all intents and purposes look completely straight. I’m not perfectly straight externally but only me and hubby can see it (and he only spots it occasionally). Internally I look pretty twisted and stuffed full of metal but hey, who can tell?

Of course, the surgery hasn’t been without its drawbacks, but the last time I saw my surgeon he was pleased – and as to the minor remaining niggles? Well his words were “you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs!” I figure I’m lucky, I had a spina bifida repair at T12/L1^*1 and all the associated scar tissue and spinal cord compromise that goes with it, a broken vertebrae at T10, my spinal cord was split lengthways (this is not normal) from T11 all the way down to L4 (that’s at the top of your bottom/pelvis). To add insult to injury, my spinal cord was (and still is) tethered at T12 and L5 (the one below L4) and L4 and L5 were fused together. That’s without the scoliosis which was what the surgery was for! I figure that my poor old surgeon had a difficult task in front of him and to achieve a 50% correction and a near upright posture was close to a miracle. So what if I have a chunk of my belly and my leg where all feeling has deserted me...I have a life and that’s all that matters. Anything more, like the greater use of the wheelchair or getting my purple leg is pretty minor in comparison to what I would have had to go through if I hadn’t had it done.

I sometimes think actually that all the people out there on the scoliosis forums (and I include myself) stick so much to the ‘better the devil you know’ part of your scoliosis that you don’t really appreciate what the future might be without the surgery. Sobering sometimes, innit?

^*1 That’s about ½ way between your belly button and your bra strap line - assuming of course that you either wear one, or if not, have some vague idea of where it is....

Legs and more legs.

I know quite a few disabled people and when I go away there tends to be quite a lot of us in wheelchairs and the like, causing mayhem everywhere we go^*1.

Last entry, I mentioned my ‘leg’. But what I didn’t say is that EO now also has a new leg of the same kind as mine (but black not purple). Talk about coincidence though – I turned up at a weekend away to tell her about my purple leg and she tells me she had a ‘leg’ made too and we got them within days of each other. Well, it turned out, that we ended up sharing a room at this trip away and at bedtime we compared our AFO’s. Her’s is a left leg and mine is a right so we had a tremendous amount of fun with a completely non matching pair – and added to the laughter factor is the fact that she is way taller than me and so too is her leg. I’m afraid to say we had some very silly moments with a pair of legs and wondering what we could do to frighten the chambermaid by dressing them up in shoes and socks and leaving them in the bed....

^*1 Believe me, with 12-15 people in wheelchairs all at the same time and the same place, mayhem happens...we don’t work at it, it just is!

Did I ever say purple was my favourite colour?

I have had to have a lower leg brace (or AFO as it is officially called) to stop my right foot from turning in and under. It seems nerves in your back can do funny things and too much tugging on them can cause all sorts of unwanted side effects in your extremities. Anyway, I went for my plaster cast and first fitting and was asked “what colour would you like this in?”. “What colour can I have?” asks I. “Anything you like“, the guy says.....umm, that’s how come I ended up with a purple leg brace then!

So my leg (as I have come to call it) arrives and it turns out to be very purple indeed. In fact, it even has purple straps and just to be really colour coordinated matches my wheelchair too. Nuts eh?

Anyway, I was away last weekend and saw an old friend who asked me how I was getting on with it and how useful I was finding it. I admitted that driving had been increasingly become a bit of a problem with my foot turning and my ‘leg’ had made life a lot easier.

“D’you know”, I said, “It’s like driving with a foot on the end of your leg instead of a mop...”

...I don’t think she’ll ever accept a lift of me again!

Hoop-bra ...or should that be Bra-la?

The other night I had fun in the bedroom...not, not that kind of fun!

My night-time routine is, well, just that, a routine. I always take my trousers off and then sit on the bed to get the rest of me undressed. I do have a very good reason for this as I have rubbish balance and it gets even worse when the lights go out and I can’t see what I am doing. This means that if I am standing up when I take my t-shirt off, then I fall over. This may be highly amusing for hubby and the cats, but falling on your backside with your naked legs in the air is not really my idea of fun ...so I sit on the bed to get my kit off!

Anyway, there I was, sat on the bed stripping off jumper and t-shirt and flinging then across the room in the hope that they would land on (or at least near) the bench where I am supposed to fold my clothes neatly and place then each night (yeah right, like that good intention ever happened eh?). Anyway, Grace had decided that the bench looked comfy and dodging clothes was interesting so had ensconced herself on some item of clothing that I was trying to decide what to do with^*1. Finally, I reached my bottom layer (the summer has been so cold here I had several layers on), took my bra off and gaily flung that across the room only to perfectly lasso the cat with my bra strap. She just sat there, looking completely bemused for all of about 2 seconds and then leap to her feet. I just knew I had to catch her or she’d be off, with my bra around her neck and who knows where she (or it) would end up!

Well, thankfully I did catch her before she got anywhere really but you should have seen it. That strap didn’t touch her nose or ears, it just sailed through the air and dropped perfectly right over her head without even ruffling her fur just a tiny bit. I just couldn’t do that again if I tried....

^*1 throw out, charity shop, wash and wear again?

More on the same subject.

Imagine if you will a big outlet shopping centre (mall) and car park with several disabled spaces close to the entrance (that’s not hard to do, is it?) To get from the spaces to the shops, you have to cross the road. The shopping centre realised this might be a problem, so they helpfully put in a zebra crossing and to make it even safer, raised it so that it would slow down oncoming vehicles by making it a wide sleeping policeman.

They obviously did this after they had installed their drop curbs (which are really wicked in that they must be about 2 inches high and just perfect to tip you out of your chair) and weren’t quite sure how to handle it so they devised a solution by sloping the raised section off at each end towards the curb. If you are in a chair, it goes something like this:

• Park the car
• Get in chair and push down pavement to drop curb
• Drop off drop curb with a bump and immediately encounter a drastic short uphill onto the top of the speed bump
• Push across crossing – red faced after heaving yourself up slope
• Get some speed up on the flat – you are hurrying because there is a car coming…
• Suddenly encounter the down-slope at the other end of the ramp and start to go very fast
• Encounter (not so) dropped curb – at pace
• Throw yourself 6 feet forward out of wheelchair and hit wall of Nike shop

Mad…..

Actually I was sensible – applied a bit of braking force and discovered that I was then stuck in the down slope, up drop curb bit and needed help to be pushed out …oh the shame….

Your mission should you choose to accept it…

…is to look for dropped curbs in all their silly sorts and sizes. You should remember though, that should you be caught or killed, I will disavow any knowledge of your actions…

Now I’m sure that those of you who have pushed a pushchair, let alone those of you who have propelled a wheelchair, know that drop curbs are really important. You know what I mean, at the side of the road, the bit that slopes into the street so that you don’t have to hoick your chair/pushchair up a major step just to get from one side of the road to the other. Those little slopes are great, but the workmen who lay them are my current arch enemies….

You see, a wheelchair has big wheels at the back and little teeny ones at the front and there is a person sitting in this contraption who has no seatbelt and no brakes suitable for slowing down apart from a strong grip in their fingers. The little teeny wheels when hitting even a very small obstacle can stop very suddenly and momentum (that’s physics that is) means that the energy contained within the chair and the person has to go somewhere. It usually gets dispersed through a couple of things – 1. the person flies forward out of the chair onto the street (the flying forward bit uses up most of the energy) and 2. they make a certain amount of noise (either screaming or swearing) which uses up a bit more energy. Anyway, it ain’t fun…and your friends laugh at you to boot.

Why don’t they make drop kerbs level with the street? Why do they leave a little step (which can be anything up to several inches tall). Are they all mean and are hiding round the next corner waiting to snigger at the person who makes a mad dash across the road – being speedy to try and to avoid the traffic – who then hits the immoveable object with those little front casters and gets hurled out onto the pavement (again!).

So, all I ask is that you spread the message and just look out for them yourself – who knows, here could be a trip waiting to happen there – and not the kind you’d send a postcard from either….

…. this blog will self destruct in five seconds….

The car (again...!)

So, there I was driving to the local ‘big city’ for a days shopping with my mother. It was raining. Actually that’s not true, it was absolutely hammering down and I could hardly clear the water off the windscreen with my one windscreen wiper. Now, don’t panic, it’s only supposed to have one, so that’s OK.

Anyway, as I turned into the street where I was going to park the car started making the most appalling noise and I thought the exhaust had fallen off. People were staring even over the noise of their own stereos and the car seemed rather underpowered. I pulled into the side and peered cautiously under the car. I still appeared to have an exhaust, and as a bonus it was attached. What to do...? Well, I was inspired, I phoned P@NGD (the garage)- “Hey!” I shouted (you had to, it was really noisy), “Listen to this”...and promptly opened the door and shoved the phone under the car...

“OMG” says P@NGD. “get it recovered, I think you snapped the crank or something”.

So, I called the recovery guy and out he came with a big truck^*1, opened the bonnet and peered underneath. “Here’s your problem” he says, “You’ve only got 3 spark plugs! – I don’t know, I think you sabotaged it yourself, just to get me wet...!”

Well, he was kinda cute in his wet t-shirt y’know....

^*1 I like trucks...big trucks

Oh yes, and the car is fine now thanks.....

Lara Croft ..my hero(ine)?

So, I was asked the other day if I had a role model or hero/ine and I said Kelly Holmes. Now I picked her because there she was, the person who always came second, the person who was forever picking up injuries and having to get over it. In short, she just stuck to it all – stubbornness, determination, grit, call it what you will, she just got on with it. In the end, lots of hard work and she comes home with a double gold medal that she plainly was delighted to get. I shall never forget her face after she went over the line, pointing at herself and going me? Me? Did I win? Me?

Anyway, all of that about Kelly is true, but in fact I think my real heroine is Lara Croft…. (although I know I shouldn’t really admit it) Now obviously, what woman wouldn’t like their breasts to point out and up like that without the merest hint of any scaffolding^*1, but what that girl can do, hey, it’s mad. We had the (mis?)fortune to buy an Xbox 360 at Christmas and someone gave me a Lara Croft game. Suddenly I am able to run and shoot at the same time, leap from pole to pole and swing my way across ropes and along narrow mountain ledges. I am a dragon killer and an acrobat, a dead eye dick and a puzzle solver extraordinaire. What a girl eh? (me of course, not her plainly). I even killed the a T Rex the other day!

The Xbox is the biggest time waster in the world and one of the most relaxing things I have ever owned. I find myself immersed, regardless of whether it’s a driving game^*2, Lara Croft or something to do with aeroplanes (which I can’t fly, I can only crash into the ground in many spectacularly different ways). For me it is a guilt free timewaster as I don’t have the time to think “oh I should be doing the ironing” when I’m approaching the next corner at 80 miles an hour, or where Lara is balanced precariously on a pole and needs to get across a chasm filled with tigers.

Great stuff – so thanks BMB for getting me into it.

At this point, you find out where the mis bit comes in the (mis) fortune, as although it's a fine distraction, should I really have this guilt free attitude towards it?


^*1 I can imagine that thousands of teenage boys across the world are there, zooming the camera right up close and getting their first taste of growing up…..only to find out later that real girls just ain’t like that!
^*2 I will own up to being a real fiend on Colin McRae’s Dirt – possibly the best driving game in the world ever....actually, there’s no possibly about it. If Carlsberg did driving games, that’s the one they’d do! Um, and yes, I am a fiend...I do know where the brakes are, but that's just thoeretical really....

BTW, the second link has nothing to do with driving or anything, I just thought it was a great ad!

The continuing car saga

So, I didn't write more, 'cos it was getting to be a very long story, but here I am, back again to finish it off.

Ten days after the gloves being stolen, I went away for the weekend again. This time I didn't take the front off the radio because I didn't have it any more and I left the alarm key fob with hubby who completely failed to use it...not being in the habit of doing so. He woke up in the morning and there was the top of the door...bent back again and this time the door was dished in where the nice little thieves had put their knee against it for leverage. It was back down the bodyshop for me...

"Hey" says the bodyshop guy, " you don't have to keep bending the car just so you can come and see me...and by the way, we've run out of tea bags..."

The car is now back in one piece and has a new door handle and lock too (it finally arrived from Japan ...see the earlier blog entry about the limber hubby!). All was going well until Monday...

Monday the exhaust started to grumble a bit so Tuesday I took it to the nice exhaust man who put it on the ramp. "It's very thin here and here and here its only holding together because the bracket is tight. You need a new back and middle section...it'll be special order (isn't it always?) so I you'd better sit down before I tell you the price!" Anyway, that was that, I needed one whatever the cost, so it was ordered and I went home.

Wednesday I had a call from the exhaust guy to tell me the exhaust was in (how's that for service!) so I jumped in the car and headed off towards the garage. I got about a half a mile, hit a bump in the road and the exhaust went from being quiet enough that you couldn't hear it if you turned the radio up to !!!OMG!!!! I'm deafening all the passers by...!

Good job the part arrived so quick eh?

Good news, anyway, apart from the fact that in the exhaust shop they oohed and ahhed as they hadn't seen a car like mine for about 10 years, they managed to fit the new exhaust in record time and my car is now purring along like a well contented cat.

I am so hoping that the exhaust was the third thing....

The road to.......good intentions and all that!

So, here I am again and I bet you've all been wondering where I am. That's OK, after all, this blog is mostly about wondering, so I guess you had to have a turn sometime!

I guess I should say I'm sorry for being so quiet, but you know how it is, life just gets in the way sometimes....

I have been busy with my little car recently and that on top of getting a new PC up and running -I'm getting there obviously or there'd be no blogging at all, but it still tells me I have no memory when I boot it up! It's odd really, 'cos if I reboot it it suddenly remembers where its memory is and works fine...I don't think I will ever understand electronics...especially when I now have a PC that seems to suffer from dementia!

Anyway, my car has been a problem. It wouldn't have been, only someone broke into it. Now, It has got an alarm and a face off radio, but due to the fact that I had borrowed hubby's car for the weekend I didn't think to take the front off the radio, or ask him to set the alarm. Anyhoo, they got in by bending back the top of the door and this time managed to get in. They stole:

• A packet of sweets with 3 sweets left in it
• The front off the radio
• The trim from the radio front
• A pair of very furry, bright purple gloves

...all of which are of no use to them at all (unless they have cold hands of course...)

In the process, they bent the door and presumably out of sheer frustration that I don't store a million pounds in my glove compartment (which is locked by the way as it has an annoying habit of flying open when I hurtle round corners), they then bent the rear wash wiper arm. That'll be the one part that Honda have discontinued and I can't (yet) find anywhere. I have visions of red hot pokers and rusty saws and what I would do with them if I ever caught the little b*****ds!

Hubby took it down to the body shop for me and they bent the door back. Apparently it went something like this:

1. Open door
2. Place block of wood inside door near the bend at the bottom of the window
3. Push top of door

Result after approximately 3 minutes work? A perfect fitting door!

"What does she owe you?" asks hubby. "
"Well", says the garage guy, "we could do with a new box of tea bags..."

So, that was it, I paid him in tea bags and threw in a box of biscuits too....

...they spoil me those garage guys.....

The birds and the fat ball.

A little while ago I filled the bird feeders and got some fat balls out of the shed. In fact I got 5 fat balls out and then discovered that the holder only takes 3 but since I had already re-locked the shed and I couldn’t be a*sed to open it again just to put them away I put them on the bird table^*1. The next day I looked out the window and they were gone – can you believe how greedy those birds are? No? Well, neither could I!

Anyway, hubby (who is unsurprisingly taller than me) can actually see the patio out the window (the window ledge is a tad high for my petite^*2 almost 5 ft frame) and said he could see one of the fat balls halfway across the patio. The other one was still missing and you know how sometimes your mind goes off on a weird tangent (well mine does anyway, just in case you hadn’t realised over all these years of blogging) and that was it, I had a theory!

I reckon that those fat balls were just too darn heavy for any bird to pick up and fly off with, so they pushed them off the bird table and tried to just roll them on home^*3. You can imagine the scene, can’t you – Mr Sparrow heaves and pushes and shoves and rolls and gets this fat ball back to the nest:

“Honey, I’m home – and look what I brought…we’ll be set up for the whole winter!”

^*1which is a small mesh tray attached to the pole we hang the feeders from.

^*2Petite? I wish – of course I am if petite just means short, but thighs like mine do not qualify for petite in my mind…

^*3 Like Alan Davies’s cats – which is hysterical!

Printing…the furry way

Well, I'm still poorly with my chest infection (something to do with me being chopped in half and having my lung collapsed apparently), but not so poorly that I can't blog a bit and let you know what's going on in my world. So here goes....

My cat is fascinated by the printer. It has a drop down front which automatically activates when you press the print button and he loves the way that the paper slides in the back and then gets spat out the front. He is so intrigued by it all, that he has spent all 3 years of his life trying to figure out what goes on inside this strange box that sits on the desk. In fact, he is so mystified by it that just the sound of the print head moving into position, or the noise the front makes when it drops (which is almost none by the way), is enough to bring him rushing from whatever part of the house he was making mischief in…He has over the years tried peering in through the back, peering in through the front, fishing with his paw in the paper feed tray, the same in the output tray and even trying to get his head stuck right inside the little slot in the front that the paper comes out of. All to no avail, he still hasn’t managed to work out that it’s just a printer…

The other day he excelled himself…

In a frenzy to figure out what was happening inside he shoved his whole arm (and most of his shoulder) up inside the printer from the front – there was a loud grinding noise, then a bang and then more grinding noises and sounds of paper being tortured. The cat just stayed there, fishing around inside as if nothing untoward was happening until I grabbed him and tossed him off the desk. The printer had by this time stopped (unsurprisingly), the red error light was flashing furiously and the little screen had a message on it:

“Warning” it said “Foreign object in print head”….then helpfully “Remove object and press OK”!

Well, I had already removed the cat (bet they never expected that in the factory they built the printer in) and so I pressed OK. It gave me another message:

“Please wait for a bit” …. No, seriously, that is exactly what it said – just that, in plain English. Anyway, so I did, waited – even though I wasn’t exactly certain how long ‘a bit’ was. Anyway, about a minute passed and the printer carried on as if nothing had happened. Of course the page came out with no black anywhere apart from the paw prints on the crumpled up bits but in the end that turned out to be caused by the cartridge floating loosely around inside the box having been displaced by the aforementioned foreign object. Put the cartridge back in and hey presto(!) Canon got themselves their biggest fan….

…well, wouldn’t you be if, after all that your printer still worked?

Poorly girl...

I have been sick and very poorly with a chest infection. At one point I thought I was going to die! Actually, that's not true - and I have to admit to it as my mother has told me a million times not to exaggerate! Anyway, walking and talking both became very difficult from the breathing point of view and that's when I was trying to do them separately! I even had to e-mail everyone I knew to tell them not to phone as I couldn't talk without coughing.

So, I have been on double strength antibiotics now for 5 days and finally am starting to feel a bit better.

So, forgive me for being a bad blog mamma - I'll get back to normality soon I'm sure.

Ah yes, and from a surgical point of view, even if its been two years since you had your diaphragm sliced in two, it still really hurts when you cough really bad!

Not just limber my hubby...

Hubby and I were lying in bed the other morning listening to the radio and drinking coffee which he had kindly brought me^*1. The news came on and there was a report on a study that had found that children who were spoiled at home are more likely to cause trouble in school – especially if they don’t get their own way^*2.

Do you know what hubby said? “Ah, another study from the Department of the Bleeding Obvious”…and that just cracked me up…

..sorry, but I had to share!


^*1 ...and just to make you all jealous, yes, he does this for me nearly every single day! (See, I'm always telling you he's a sweetie!)
^*2 Just in case you are interested… here and here are some of the articles in question.

And, just in case you don’t follow the links….I loved this bit:
“Mr Sinnott also condemned violent computer games for encouraging pupils to kill "pimps and prostitutes".” Where does he get games like that from? It’s not Lara Croft, that’s for sure!!!

On locks, cars and murder in mind

I think I will start with the murder in mind just to get it off my chest! My car has a dent in the rear wing. It is around the size and shape a city tank (Shogun type thing) would make if someone were to reverse out of a space and crush my rear wing with their bumper. I am hopping mad and the b*stards didn’t even leave a note to say sorry. It’s not the end of the world as it should push out ok, but it means stripping all the lining out the boot and removing some bits a pieces and why? All ‘cos some a**e can’t drive properly. There! I’ve said it…I shall now move on with dignity.

My little car had to go in to the garage last week as the key will no longer unlock the driver’s door. It’s been sticky for a while and has now finally given up the ghost. The only thing is, that the lock itself works fine, its just the key barrel that is broken. So, since the door unlocks and locks ok from the inside, then that is what has to be done- the only problem is, that it’s a bit of a palaver for me!

Imagine the scene – you unlock the car from the passenger side^*1 and climb in. Now the fun starts. Do you:

• A) Try to climb over to the driver’s side? With the kind of motor control I have in my legs? Unlikely!
• B) Sit in the passenger side and lean across to unlock the driver’s door from the inside? Ummm, slight problem here, I don’t lean too well owing to the fact I have a ‘rod up my a*se’ (as the expression goes amongst my friends)
• C) Climb into the car, kneel on the passenger seat, lean forward and unlock the door from the inside? Yes, correct!

OK, so with the door unlocked, I then have to climb out of the car, walk around the outside and climb in the driver’s side to get going. This has been going on for a few weeks now as my car is 25 years old and the lock is a special order…I suspect it is coming from Japan – by slow boat…..or is that China? Anyway, it’s coming very slowly, wherever it is coming from so I am having to manage.

Now, locking the door is no problem as I can lock the door when it is open and just slam it shut, which is exactly what I did the other night when I came home. The only thing odd about the other night is that I did have to park on the opposite side of the road to our house. But I didn’t really think anything about that, until the following morning when I went out to the car. You see, opposite our house is the gate to the park and right outside the gate are some railings designed to stop small children from hurtling out of the gate all excited after playing in the park and running headfirst into the nearest passing truck. So, I had parked right by the railings…very close to the railings….close enough that you could barely pass a hand between the door mirror and the railings…the passenger door mirror that is. That would be the same passenger door that I have to unlock, climb inside blah blah blah, to unlock the driver’s door….are you getting a mental image of this?? I only have 2 doors in my car too…and the boot of course. So, minor problem here, how do you get in to the car, through the passenger door, in order to open the driver’s door so that you can go out for the day?

In the end it was hubby to the rescue, as I was all for opening the boot (trunk), climbing inside by dropping the back of the rear seat and getting into the car that way. I was even wondering if I could use a strong magnet to operate the electric sunroof switch through the window, but hubby decided to demonstrate that a man of a certain age, provided he is still lithe and limber can in fact, climb through a gap smaller than any individual part of him. It was impressive !!

^*1 Which thankfully has a keyhole on the passenger side, unlike hubby’s last car.

More things you shouldn’t do post op (Episode X)

Now, of course you may have already got the impression from me that I am a little bit of a stubborn person who likes to just get on with things without asking for help. I of course would not agree – I just do what I do, but there you go.

Anyway, the other day I took it into my head to clean the bedroom top to bottom, moving all (small) moveable objects and not only cleaning under the bed, but moving all the junk under there too so that I could even clean under it instead of around it (novel eh?). At some stage in all of this I realised that whatever I did with the Hoover I couldn’t get to the bit in the middle under the bed from either side and so I got the hose out, with the cat hair removing tool and got down on my stomach and wriggled under the bed.
Something I should mention at this point is that I have always slept on my stomach – my whole life – until the surgery. Since the surgery I cannot sleep or lie on my stomach, it’s not comfortable and if I do it for too long I lock up and can’t move. If my physio wants me to do this she props my stomach and head to make it easier to get me back up but I never thought of this when I started wriggling under the bed.

So, there I am with my little feet sticking out the side of the bed - on my stomach with the Hoover hose in my hand. I find I can’t figure out how to get back out again as my left leg is refusing to take instructions and my spine is stiffening into a rod of iron (or should that be steel?) which is being bent the wrong way. It is at this point that the Hoover finds an errant shoelace within inches of its current position, sucks it up and that wraps itself around some kind of internal doings and the motor starts to strain under the load. To make matters worse, smoke starts to pour out from the region of the motor and even flailing my arm around I can only just get fingertips to the Hoover body but not the on/off switch! The cat (who has been hiding under the bed because of the Hoover noise) comes up to me to investigate the gnashing of teeth and licks my nose….(yup, that was helpful I’m sure)

Anyway, somehow I wriggle out in a type of rolling fashion (Lara Croft would’ve been proud of me!) heaving myself forward by grabbing the chest of drawers and hit the Hoover button. Smoke stops and I heave a big sigh of relief…

…and that was it for me for the day!

Big question is, what will I do next time this job needs doing? Do you think I will ask hubby?

Ah, bending…I forgot

I was reading the forum the other day and I noticed something about bending and how we should all bend from the knees when we pick stuff up. Well, I just can’t do this – never have been able to and probably never will be able to – I simply don’t have the motor control function to be able to push up from the floor once my legs are bent. This obviously has nothing to do with the scoliosis, but everything to do with my spina bifida.

So, picture the scene – my surgeon fuses my spine down to L5 and leaves L5/S1 joint free – he tells me that it will be good for me to have at least one moveable joint but I am told not to overstress it in any way shape or form because it is already arthritic and worn. Making matters worse is that due to my rotation and stuff, he had to put a wedge of metal in between L4 and L5 (1.5” high on one side) which means that the rigidity of this places extra stress on that ole L5/S1 joint. Hmmm, no stress eh? What shall I do? Be good? Me? I think not!

I started after surgery with all good intentions and because of it had loads of problems putting on my socks and shoes but now all that has changed. It’s true I can put my left sock and shoe on by bending my foot into my lap but my right one just won’t bend in that direction (more effects of spina bifida I’m afraid making my right hip largely inflexible^*1) – so, what do I do - do I ask hubby or someone to put my sock and shoe on? ^*2 No, mostly I just bend at the waist until I can get to my foot. I stretch and stretch and I reach – now does this count as stressing my joint?

I dunno, but I do know that I’ve stretched it all so much that I can now touch my toes – I don’t really think I should be doing that now, do you?

^*1 Something along the lines of it only bending in one useful direction .... I used to however dislocate it easily enough if I tried to push it any other way (though as I'm sure you'll understand when I say I haven't tried for a while). In fact, as a teenager (and possibly when a trifle drunk so my memory is a little hazy) I think I offered to do this in an attempt to amuse people.....!
^*2 In fact I do ask this if I am having a bad morning - sometimes pride will only make up for so much pain and effort.